Codependency is so toxic. I know because this is something I’ve struggled with most of my life. However, in my healing and in my growth, this is what I know:
1. It’s ok to care and love from a distance
2. We cannot “save’ anyone. We each have our own journey and in that we each have our own lessons we need to learn – and whatever someone else is going through, may be necessary for their own growth. Not saying we can’t hold space – but we need to learn non-attachment and respect the path they are on. By wasting our energy on trying to help those who don’t want, need, or haven’t asked for our help is just that – a waste. And will likely have the opposite effect of what we’re hoping for – not to mention that by continuously trying to interfere, your hindering both Their & Your growth.
And if they’re anything like me – the tighter you cling or hang onto or make me feel caged – the more I’m likely going to reject you and your advice. So common sense says if I’m suffocating another, they’re likely to respond in the same way.
3. The only person we can save, is ourselves.
4. We should be so consumed with our own inner healing and self growth that we don’t have time to be worrying about what others have going on in their lives.
5. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, respect their wishes, no matter how badly that rejection hurts. Walk away. Have some self-respect. Stop groveling and begging for love. If you don’t have respect and boundaries for yourself, why in the f*ck would anyone else?
6. Boundaries are EVERYTHING
7. Vibrating in a poor me, please love me, please see me as worthy, victim mindset is actually a very repelling and repulsive energy. Work on yourself. You clearly don’t need to be focused on what someone else has going on or is doing.
8. I obsess over myself (healing and self-growth) and Great Spirit – living my life in partnership with Spirit. If I find myself obsessing or ruminating over someone else, I am 1000% out of alignment.
9. By hanging on, we’re not making space for the things or people to come into our lives that could truly honor and cherish and nourish our soul.
10. You need to love and respect yourself so wholly and completely that whoever enters your life has no choice but to treat you that way. We teach others how to treat us by how we feel about ourselves and how we show up in the world. Again this comes down to boundaries, self-worth, self-love, and self-respect.
Anytime I catch myself operating or engaging in this way, in this energy, I pull back. I give myself grace but it still makes me feel sick. The 1st thing I tend to spout off in my brain is, “Ewwww. Have some self-respect, Man. Get it together!” 😜 and then I drop in (time and time again) searching my own soul for what is needing to be seen in order to truly heal.
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