Dear Self

Dear Self,
We began this journey with a heavy heart. Judgement, criticism, and oh, so much guilt over the should have, could have, would have…
But I know you. I know your heart, your soul, your thoughts…Your true intentions, motives, and desires. I know you to be a good person. A caring person. A loving and giving person.
I forgive you for every time you doubted yourself – for the darkness and depression. I know you have often been left with thoughts of how selfish you had been and I would like to offer another perspective…
You were not selfish to self-preserve. That is survival. And you have always been there when it mattered the most. Your mother knows your heart and knows how much you loved her. Remember the good times. Keep that snapshot of her laughter in your memory.
Your father knew how difficult the decision for you and your sister to remove him from life support – how collectively you had to decide what was best with the condition and state he was in. Remember him for the happy memories: the hot chocolate, his laughter, his amusement, his recipes and cooking, his garden…
Stop beating yourself up for something beyond your control and so much greater than you…Let go of the guilt you have carried for your parents and remember everything in love.
I forgive you for your bad judgement in men. The abuse you’ve endured. But I also appreciate how you didn’t continue the cycle – how you got clear on boundaries and what real love looked like. I appreciate the man you are with now. His joyful loving heart that has stood by you with unconditional love, laughter, and arms that are not timid to embrace. This man who stood by it all – offering words of love, encouragement and support.
I forgive you for all the times you’ve hated me, who is in turn, really you. I forgive you for the abuse, the anger, the hatred and the self-loathing. I want you to know my love knows no bounds and I have continued to stand by and love you through it all. I was just waiting until you were ready…To make this love and compassion known.
I want to thank you for scheduling in time for those luxurious baths, the inward reflection, for preparing whole/nutrition based meals, for moving me until I bleed sweat – for those are my tears. That is my release from that which no longer serves…
Thank you for the walks and hikes – for showing me majestic beauty in nature. Mountain peaks, wildflowers cascading down valleys, the raging ocean and calm sea, lakes with trout jumping, snow crested hills…
Thank you for filling me with knowledge. For teaching me things and reading me stories and taking me on adventures. I love the poetry, most. And I thought you should know – dancing really is my favorite form of movement. Just to get lost in the bass and beat.
I want you to know I forgive you. I love you. You are an incredible and unique creation. When the messy gets in the way and clouds your vision, remember to move the debris. Because, Love, you are gracious and you are beautiful. You are so much greater than the lessons you’ve learned. Continue to evolve…And always remember to #rise.
All My Love,
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