It’s so easy, sometimes, to let life get the best of you.  Broke and lonely, I’ve been going through a struggle in my life.  Sometimes I feel true grief for the life I once had.  “Live?  Hell, sometimes it’s hard enough just to survive.”  I finally understand the impact of that statement.

Somewhere between ricocheting between anger, emptiness, loneliness, and sadness; I have found peace.  I keep counting my blessings and staying focused on only the positive. (This has been much harder than it sounds).  But, finally, I am finding true over-the-moon happiness with myself and finding a peace from within that I have  never felt before.  I am not content though, and true contentment is what I seek.  But, I am learning to just simply enjoy what I have been given and I am sure, absolutely sure, that one of these days my life will fall from shambles into a perfectly placed puzzle with absolutely no pieces missing.

I found a park a few blocks from where I live that I have been coming to a lot.  It’s so peaceful listening to the birds sing, to feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and to hear the breeze whistling through the tree tops.

Oh, the trees in this park are just breathtaking.  Infused with the beginning colors of fall, the maple leaves are beginning to dance from the branches and descend onto nature’s floor; still green with just a hint of autumn sprouting from their roots.  There are huge oaks with low branches just begging to be climbed.

As I sit here now and write, I’m watching (2) separate families each enjoying a BBQ.  The smell of burnt coals and sweet barbecue sauce is wafting through the air.  There are children laughing and squealing with pure delight.  Two girls seeing who can swing the highest.

Two squirrels are playfully running across the trees; playing a game of tag maybe?  As the wind caresses my face; I am at peace.  It’s all in the small things where true happiness lies.  There is a small walking bridge made of pure wood that crosses a small creek full of cattail.  I can hear crickets and small frogs filling the air with their music.

Somewhere in the distance I can hear a friendly game of basketball ensuing.  As the ball bounces against the black top, I close my eyes.  There is music all around me in the elements of nature.  I am at peace…

Unfortunately, the moment passes as I am abruptly jerked back to reality by an old woman carrying an umbrella and yelling to a tree (while kicking the stump), “You mother-f***er! I’m sick and f***ing tired of you trying my patience…” I’m not sure what the tree did to her but it must have been very disagreeable! lol

There is an elderly man walking with a fancy walking cane, wearing a tuxedo.  As he shuffles along, he stops every few minutes to shake his head as if in disbelief.  He appears lost in time; a moment in his mind he cannot erase.

There is another man at the corner of the entrance to the park.  He appears to be having a deep and meaningful conversation with an old friend. But, apparently, this “old friend” is not someone that anyone else can see.  Maybe he’s dealing with ghosts or also stuck in a memory.

After playing fetch with Kiska for almost an hour (she loves it when I take her off the leash), I sit under one of the big oak trees and settle into one of the books I just got from the library.  I always read the same kind of books it seems.  Stories that take place in the heart of the south; in a place and time my mind can wander and visit for awhile.

I love getting books from the library.  The smell of the musty pages comforts me.  I am in awe of all the books lined up so perfectly with the white pages, filled with black writing, yearning to be read and to come alive.

I swear one day I will visit Georgia and Louisiana.  I will sit on a porch swing or a wicker love seat on a screened in wrap around porch.  I will swirl ice cubes in a glass that makes that delicious clanking noise; sipping on lemonade that is so cool that beads of sweat and condensation run down the outside of the glass.  I will curl up with my journal or a wonderful book and feel the wind blow on me from a huge swamp cooler fan that has ribbons dancing on the outside; blowing in the man-made wind.  I will listen to the blues of the bayou and eat a southern meal of fried green tomatoes or fried okra…and my mouth waters for some Creole and Cajun recipes.  Even if it is only in my dreams; I still say I will do it. Dream with me.

“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness…”