28 Oct Heavy is the Queen that Wears the Crown

I’ve had a migraine for two days. This monster doesn’t live in my head and rarely visits. Yet, over the past two days, it’s taken up residence. Banging around in my brain, wrecking havoc on my sinuses, blinding me to light, and doing somersaults in my tummy…

Friday I had my left breast ultrasound and had a drain placed. This week I am meeting with the surgeon to schedule the inevitable. On top of all this, my soul has become extremely tired wanting to float between worlds – often less in this place and more in that…

Demons and monsters and ghosts of the past have given rise. Hauntings of my own doing. Layer by layer we spiral cleansing and burning and banishing and healing. I dropped 8 pounds and I believe it was just stuck energy finally cleared. Heavy is the queen that wears the crown and yet, once confronted with beasts and dragons slain, I feel so much lighter and air is given life behind these ribs of cage.

Yesterday my back began to spasm from too many hours in bed. Sleep began to elude me as muscles screamed with want and need of movement and fresh air. A wild thing trapped within the cages of her own mind.

And so, head pounding, I set out on afternoon adventure. I sat on top of a dusty hill overlooking the pond and I began to write and journal and bleed black ink on pages of white. I stayed in this place for over 4 hours confronting my soul before returning to the darkness and comfort of down.

I awoke this morning to feel her presence still lingering – lifting – and no longer inhabiting my entire being. Stress is a beast that demands confrontation for subservience and longs to be tamed. In turn, she demands ultimate surrender, respect, and validation.

? From yesterday’s wanderings