08 Mar I Remember
I’ve been undergoing massive transformation. I’ve been conquering my demons and shedding a lot of light regarding mental health stigmas in the spiritual communities and in western medicine in general. We are awakening as a collective and modern medicine (while I deeply believe has its place) is not always equipped to deal with spiritual awakening and warfare. I feel like a pioneer – healing myself and literally seeing in real time how it’s helping past and future generations within my own lineage question the labels that have been placed upon them throughout time. It seems to be giving them the courage to also remove the veil, stop stigmas in their tracks, and conquer old outdated and archaic belief systems.
I am continuing this work and speaking out in honor of my grandmother who was given a label of schizophrenia and received shock therapy and everything awful – distorted and full of fear.
In this moment, massive shifts are happening.
While this all sounds so warrioress – it’s actually looked a lot like destruction, shadow work, rage, anger, facing the darkest parts of myself, acknowledgement, lot of tears, disconnection, facing fears, and isolation. It’s not “pretty” work but it’s totally worth it. I’m moving the darkness and cracking open so there is room for the light to enter and consume like fire, transforming my soul. I’ve been blanketed, protected, held, seen, and fully supported by Spirit as I am becoming a clearer vessel and channel.
And through it all, it’s also looked like forgiveness, self-love, self-compassion, understanding, and lots and lots of soul nourishment. It’s also looked like body pain and extreme fatigue.
Today is the first time in WEEKS that I woke feeling like my true self is ready to fully emerge. And yes, she is nice and sweet and reflective – all the core parts of who I am. But I am also finding rage and repression surfacing and a sickness – a virus eating away at the parts of myself that I have ignored for far too long.
This emergence feels different. It feels darker – edgier. It feels like accepting that even roses come with thorns. That even diamonds have undergone immense heat and pressure. The caterpillar whose life had to turn to mush to reconstruct its entire DNA to transform into a butterfly. I’m ready to spread my wings. I’m ready to emerge drinking and consuming the light – liquid gold of sun and ray – while simultaneously eating and absorbing and integrating the darkness – bleeding like ink – purging crimson and dark obsidian moving into the dark bowels and underbelly of rich soil and earth.
There is a hum in my fault line with new sprouts ready to take hold with roots as strong as a 1000 year old druid oak – sprouting into new beginnings.
This is the reclamation of me. Of self. Of the truth and fire of who I am. Even the stars dance across the dark black void of endless sky…
And I remember…