Maiden, Mother, Crone

Lately I have noticed myself spending a lot of time in the mirror. This isn’t just vanity. As I look at the creases getting deeper around my eyes, at the sunspots popping up like a Dalmatian taking residence on my face, the permanent crease across the bridge of my nose from years of laughter and allergies – as I see the labor and age in my hands that have worked so hard in this lifetime – hairs translucent white – not silver, not gray – but stark white. As I look around at these magnificent beauties surrounding me and finding myself referring to them as “girls and boys”, I can’t help but wonder where time has gone.

Memories of me as a child playing with my siblings…the presence of my parents now becoming a memory as they have crossed over…

At thirty-nine, I can’t help but wonder if I am now moving from Mother into Crone. I also don’t quite know how I feel about that. Maybe a sense of loss that I never wore a bikini? That I can no longer stay awake for all night bonfires? That I never learned how to get myself in a proper back-bend or headstand? That I never became a dancer. Mourning the loss of what was and what could have been…

And yet, I find this new phase intriguing and just a little bit enchanting. As I layered on my eye cream and dark spot corrector, followed by a generous lathering of SPF 50, I found myself smiling. For this is the phase where all fucks have been given. Where wisdom and intuition are guiding me. Where I no longer have to wonder if I will fit in with the cool girls at school. Where I am no longer a part of passing gossip.

No, these waters now run deep. It feels like a blessing to be seen as a Baba Yaga, La Loba, wisdom giver passing on the things I’ve learned at the half-way point and to instill hope in those coming after me.

I speak of my ancestors often and feel proud that I am growing among them and becoming. Looking forward to what lessons the next ten years have to teach.

So here’s to the next chapter and evaluating what I feel I may have missed out on. Time to start training for that headstand and back-bend…and while I’m at it, let’s throw in Reiki Master in training, mentor/life-coach, facilitating women’s circles, wild woman, underworld/other-world dweller…and maybe throw some belly dancing into the mix…

It’s time to rise, Darling. Rise.

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