06 Oct MOON MUSINGS 10.06.2022
It’s wild to realize I haven’t posted or blogged on my website since March of 2020. Twenty-seven months of silence.
I’ve been silent as I have been moving through my own shadow and a very new reality. However, I am finally learning that acceptance and surrender does not equate giving up. I am, and will always be, resilient and tenacious as hell.
I have also been very AWARE of my own energy, Where I spend it, what I share, as well as what (or who) I allow into my energetic sphere.
I wasn’t always this way.
In an unhealed state, I often bled emotions and trauma in my words and in my sharing. The weight of it all was too much to bare, alone.
And while I still believe the best writing is a lot like bleeding for the world to see, I now realize my experience is my own and that it’s ok to be selective in what I share.
I want to bring more light and beauty and art into the world. Not more pain and trauma and negativity.
So, while I’ve been processing and healing and integrating, I’ve gone silent. I haven’t wanted to sling my own pain into the collective void.
Beyond emotional healing, and getting over my spiritual existential crisis, I’ve been dealing with a lot, physically.
Without going into it too much – I will say that I have acute osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, and fibromyalgia.
In the last year, I blew out both knees, have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in my lumbar spine, have nerve damage in my cervical spine, and tendonitis in my left wrist.
The RA (which is an autoimmune disorder) caused me to have scleritis, which damaged the optical nerve in my left eye to the point of glaucoma.
And five surgeries later, I am currently in the midst of dealing with another breast infection.
It’s been a lot.
And yet, I’ve found a lot of alternative therapies that have aided, deeply, in my healing process.
This month I will be going in to have a consult for stem cell therapy. I’ve also received a referral to UC Davis to begin gene therapy.
Because I don’t really know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next, it has been difficult to commit to anything.
Which has created a different kind of internal struggle.
As a natural-born entrepreneur – and as a reiki master, sound healer, and accredited, certified life coach with a love of words, theology, comparative religion, and mythological studies – and as one who is obsessed with mesopotamian antiquity – I have always dreamed of starting a mystery school to pass down ancient knowledge and wisdom teachings.
Lately, as I have been feeling into my own legacy, this dream of a mystery school has resurfaced.
So, I wrote the first course, “Dark Goddess Rising,” and as I was preparing to birth it into the world, I felt complete resistance.
I wondered if this is because the mysteries, in antiquity, were not given through an online course. They were given to an adept only after initiation.
These sacred teachings were labeled a mystery as they were to be concealed to the masses.
While creating the course, I had also ordered a backdrop, a backdrop stand, and lighting to do videos.
While I was feeling resistance and an overall block, in terms of how I was going to release the course, coaching commitments, and setting up automation, I was notified that the equipment I had ordered would be delayed in shipment by over a month.
I also found out that my website isn’t set up as a store – meaning I would have to either reconfigure my website or be forced to learn click funnels.
I had no desire to do either.
In speaking to a close friend, she recommended that I implement the Ira Progoff Interview Method to interview (and have a conversation with) the course to find out if it was an energetic block, if the information was too sacred to be released in the way I was doing it, etc.
So I did just that.
I sat down and asked questions and meditated on the answers. I found it wasn’t the course that had issues.
It was me.
Because I have a hard time making time commitments, due to my health, I realized the course didn’t feel sustainable.
I also don’t always have the energy to go through glam to show up in the way I desire on camera. I was also really resistant to doing the follow-up coaching sessions. My energy gets drained very quickly these days.
And then the answer came. “Start a podcast.”
No glam needed. I don’t have to worry about long term commitments with clients – or have to wade through other people’s healing.
I can just show up once a week, and lose myself in the ancient mystery school oral tradition of storytelling.
I even have a friend, who does heavy studio work, gift me the expensive, professional equipment needed.
And everything about this feels absolutely right and aligned.
Have you ever noticed that?
How when your life synchronizes with your destiny, everything lines up with ease?
It feels a lot like magic.
I am still in the process of recording and can’t wait to share my first podcast with all of you.
I am going to do my best to commit to writing one blog per week as well as recording and releasing one future podcast per week.
I’m ready to re-emerge.
Times of isolation are not punishment. They are preparation. It is in the season of isolation that the caterpillar gets its wings.
Meanwhile, I am also very excited to announce that I have compiled all of my poetry over the last ten + years and am now organizing three books to go to a publisher.
I am also continuing to write my first fictional novel.
I’ve been buried in my shadow. Gestation. Healing. Unlearning and learning. Transforming.
I’ve been getting to know, and love, every aspect of myself.
I’ve been forced to reconcile with the parts of myself I disliked the most. I’ve been integrating and aligning.
And now, I’m ready to take a step forward, into the wild unknown, to reclaim the legacy I would like to one day call my life.
Because we owe it to ourselves, and to our ancestors, to show up and live bravely.
I hope you’ll join me on this next part of my journey.
Mary Rogers Glowczwskie