01 Nov MOON MUSINGS 11.01.2022
Love yourself as a revolutionary act.
Lately, I haven’t been very kind to myself. I’ve had a lot of self-judgement and criticism surface around my health, my aging process, my weight, and everything in between.
In 2016, I wrote in one of my journals, “I’ve noticed myself spending a lot of time in the mirror. This isn’t just vanity. I’ve been noticing the creases around my eyes, the dalmatian sun spots popping up everywhere, the permanent crease across the bridge of my nose – and I can’t help but wonder, ‘where has the time has gone?’ And also, ‘How can I still feel so youthful inside?’ As this has to be the greatest incongruency I’ve ever experienced. As above, so below – as within so without, right?!”
In 2016, I launched two courses, Rise and Mirrorwork, as well as delving deeply into neo-tantra. These weren’t just offerings for others – it was a journey I also needed to take. And it was a sacred journey, indeed.
And yet here I am, six years later, repeating old patterns and behaviors.
Ah, the spiral path of the ouroboros.
The path that leads us away and then brings us back to the beginning of things – changed.
We return with more wisdom, understanding, and compassion. We return each time with old and new techniques that help us move through our shadow back into the state of love, redemption, and grace.
I do my best to stay present, to lean inward, and to trust my own soul and intuition during these times of darkness and insecurity.
I ask and pray for universal guidance. I do my best to let go of expectations and pressures – my own and those of others.
I do my best to get myself outside and into nature. I isolate. I nurture.
This is how I process.
When I find myself in the muck, I do my best to remain alert and aware of the signs, gifts, offerings, and synchronicities that show up.
The universe, spirit, God (however that looks for you) always provides. We are always in co-creation with the intelligence of the cosmos.
The last two weeks have gifted me with a lot of offerings that are deeply synchronistic to where I am at in my journey.
First, a masterclass on mirrorwork came through my feed. Mirrorwork is something I know and have worked with for years. It was an amazing reminder to return to the mirror – to return to myself.
The first mirrorwork session I did, after avoiding mirrorwork for 4+ years, was cringy AF. Because I couldn’t get into a place of gratitude, I decided to instead focus on which side of my body was carrying the most weight.
A week prior, I had a bodywork session, in which it was glaringly obvious that the pain I was experiencing on my right side was overcompensation for the injuries I have been carrying on my left. Most of my injuries have been on my left side.
The side of the Divine Feminine.
Miraculously, an offering came through on a masterclass for women to connect with their inner king.
This I found intriguing. Especially when the facilitator spoke to the unhealed divine feminine and masculine aspects of an individual – energy that coexists within each and every one of us.
As I envision my inner king, my own divine masculine, I have been writing down the aspects and attributes he carries.
One of the things I wrote down was “He stands up for me and protects me,” and as I really felt into that, and what it means as woman to lean into her own healed inner masculine, I realized that I need to speak up for myself more. I need to create and honor and uphold my own boundaries. I need to be far less passive in my life.
It is, after all, MY life.
It’s time to lead. It’s time to jump into the driver’s seat. It’s time for me to be the director.
I’m still working with this energy and taking notes and making lists.
Something the facilitator said, that I found to be profound, was that when a woman’s divine inner masculine is healed, it allows her partner to show up without having to carry that burden for her.
In other words, when you allow your own inner masculine to show up for you – you will expect less from your partner, externally.
Since 2012, I have teetered the line between sunlight and shadow.
For the most part, I have hovered ever closer to the edge of the underworld, and admittedly, have often lost my footing.
Meaning, I’ve spent a great deal of time walking the shadow path and dancing with the dark goddess, burning in the flame of her initiation – dying one death only to be born again on a bed of ash, repeating the spiral path – again and again and again.
Almost a month ago, now, I wrote my first blog in almost two years.
At the time it was written, I was in a fairly good head space and feeling very inspired for my future.
I made a goal commitment of writing one blog per week. Almost a month has passed and I am finally honoring that commitment.
Shortly after my last blog, my body crashed.
The air grew crisp and cool and every joint in my body began writhing in pain.
Advanced osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis are hellish bed fellows during autumn and winter.
I can’t seem to sleep for more than two hours, combined, until I am woken by cramps, fire, numbness, tingles, and shooting pain.
Meanwhile, the infection in my left breast began again.
I went through a very barbaric procedure, without a numbing agent or anesthesia – essentially an outpatient surgery in which I was completely awake and coherent for – and felt everything.
That was followed by an MRI with contrast that led to an ultrasound with possible biopsy.
The biopsy wasn’t performed and this week I get to experience the joy of a mammogram followed by breast MRI’s every six months.
I finally received all of my podcast equipment, minus the chords to connect everything. This should be remedied within the next few weeks.
I finally chose a genre for my podcast, which I am very excited about.
At first I was going to do a mystery school – then mythology, fairytales, and lore. I re-settled on archetypes – only to change my mind, again, to mythology and theology.
And yet, it all felt off.
I settled on storytelling as I feel it is all encompassing. And that is where I have finally landed.
Because not only was this the way with the ancient schools and their teachings, but it also allows me to share stories of my own mystical life.
And stories are immortal.
David M. Eagleman said, “There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.”
Stories are our history. Our legacy. They surpass time, space, and millennia.
Think about the stories of creation and humanity and how the world came to be.
Even the stars, the planets, and every single plant and animal that has ever walked, crawled, or flown on this planet has its own story.
Water carries every story that ever was as it has fallen from the heavens and flowed to and from every land around the globe.
Think of the stories of our ancestors. Stories of those who made a mark on history. Legends and myths – parables and lore.
Our own stories. The stories of our lives.
And how these stories keep us from ever experiencing the final and third death.
They give us immortality.
Because in the end, that’s all any of us are. A story. And our lives, nothing more than a tale.
All of this is to say, stick with me,
My best plans may get waylaid, but I am tenacious as hell.
I will always follow my dreams and my heart – regardless of how long it takes for me to reach my destination.
My commitment to writing, to words, to stories, ceremony, ritual, the mysteries, and my podcast have never wavered.
I meant it when I said, “Coming Soon…”
Mary Rogers Glowczwskie