19 Apr The Mad & Imaginary
Today, I am witnessing the magic all around me and trying to learn to embrace the magic that IS ME – without hiding or contracting or trying so hard to remain small while Great Spirit is moving me towards expansion and greatness and embracing WHO I really am – without feeling a need to shrink or worrying that others might feel I’m bragging, being “cocky,” “conceited,” full of myself…
Spirit is showing me that many of the things I once berated myself for and considered “defective” are actually gifts disguised in darkness. My job is to return to the darkness time and time again until I no longer see myself as small. And that is quite a challenge for me.
I get excited and want to share and then I contract and want to retract because I don’t want others to think I’m full of ego. I don’t want my light to make others feel small or jealous or insecure. And while how others respond is really “not my problem” but rather, a reflection of their own wounds and programming – because I am so sensitive (empathetically) and care so deeply about raising and lifting others up, it feels really uncomfortable for me. I NEVER want another to feel that I am somehow better than them. Because I’m not. Truly, we each have our own very unique gifts.
I’m healing but this is all such a huge process. Growth can be scary and right now I’m working through those fears. Ego can work in different ways – everywhere from Grandiose to Mediocre. But now, more than ever, Spirit is pushing me to RISE.
Today, I awoke feeling like Alice who fell down the rabbit hole only to discover that magic really does exist. And it lives and breaths and is given life from those of us who are willing to see, to understand, and who are willing to birth it into this realm.
And for now, I want to live amongst the mad and imaginary. I want to breathe in the wonder and the magic. And I want to return to this place of peace time and time again…